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Here is a inventory of your relationship skills 202-2
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Here is a inventory of your relationship skills 202-2
Lifeskills 202: Skills for Optimum Personal Relations
by Darrell Franken, M.Div., M.A., Ph.D.
Chapter 2
EVALUATION OF SELF,
and of another, TO KNOW
WHAT MAY NEED UPGRADING
For pre-marital counseling
For marital relations improvement
For social skills training
For family dynamics
What the Bible says about self-evaluation for spiritual growth
JESUS SOUGHT TO KNOW THE TRUTH
Jesus didn’t spend all those 40 days in the desert just because he liked sand dunes, burning hot days, cold nights and no food, just water. He wanted to know God’s will for his life. Jesus (his human nature) wanted wisdom, understanding and knowledge. He would need that to face his future. In that respect, he is somewhat like you and me. We need to know what we don’t yet know so we can face what we might need to face in the future.
Jesus was seeking to be spiritually in tune with God. In the desert he meditated and prayed for truth, truth about himself., truth about his ability to be successful in his mission. He had filled his head with the knowledge of the scriptures. In the desert he was measuring, testing and filling his soul. He appears to have needed that to be prepared for the challenges ahead.
Can we be sure that we are tuning our lives to God’s optimum standards? How do we know where we stand with God? We can be born again, like the sinner on the cross with Jesus, and make it to heaven without the slightest change in behavior. However, most people won’t be that lucky.
Conversion may take place, but how much do people grow, spiritually? How much spiritual growth is required?
Jesus spent an appropriate amount of time and energy preparing himself. He had a task to perform. He was sent by God to save the world from sin and the destructive consequences of sin. It was a big job.
Our job(s) on earth may not be as big or consequential. However, part of our health and happiness problems on earth are related to our lack of optimum spiritual performance. We may not be coming up to some level of spirituality that protects us from some of the stressors of this sinful world.
THE IMPORTANCE OF KNOWING THE TRUTH
We may know the hour of our “salvation” but we need to know about the level of our personal maturity, our “wisdom.” our “knowledge,” our “understanding,” all of which relates to our behavior. If wisdom, knowledge, and understanding are not considered important, the person may remain at very low levels of health and happiness. Listed below are some selections from the Bible regarding the importance of knowledge, wisdom, understanding.
![]() “Oh, you who are simple, understand wisdom: and you who act foolishly, take heed to the wisdom of your heart.” (Proverbs 8:5)
“Do not forsake knowledge; she shall preserve you. Love her and she will guard you.” (Proverbs 4:6)
“A wise (person) feeds on truth, while the mocker feeds on trash.” (Proverbs 15:14 LB)
“You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)
“It is not good for a person to be without knowledge . . . When a (person’s) folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:2,3)
“Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7)
“Prize (wisdom) highly, and she will exalt (honor, promote) you. She will deliver a crown of glory to your head.” (Proverbs 4:8,9 KJ, LB)
“A person who strays from the path of understanding comes to rest in the company of the dead.” (Proverbs 21:16 NIV)
Jesus started his preparation for life when he first went to the Temple in Jerusalem for Passover. He was 12 years old. Jesus asked the priests a lot of questions and they were pleased, even surprised. For the following 18 years we presume that Jesus lived a normal human life. That segment of his life included a certain amount of learning. We know that from the many times Jesus quoted from the Old Testament scriptures. All that was head knowledge, and we presume it was translated into good behavior as well.
MEASURING BEHAVIOR
Jesus appears to have never stopped developing spiritually. That is not always true with some individuals. There may have been plateaus of spiritual development in the human part of Jesus, but ultimately he appears to have developed the highest level of spirituality, issuing forth in the highest level of divine-like behavior, sacrificing oneself for the welfare of others.
Too many persons stop or plateau-out. They reach a culturally acceptable level. They feel respectable enough. So they quit growing in wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. There they remain at inferior spiritual levels. Then they wonder why they are often sick, generally miserable, overloaded with problems, etc.
Higher levels of spirituality generates higher levels of benefits. That is the general message of LifeSkills 101.
End of Biblical Information
![]() Beginning of information supporting the Biblical message.
To help us understand shifts in behaviors, Eric Berne, M.D., set forth the concept of Transactional Analysis, using 5 ego states to account for the variety of ways in which people relate to each other. Initially, he used concepts of PARENT, ADULT and CHILD, which are quite similar to the earlier concepts of superego, ego and id.
PARENT (roughly equivalent to the superego) Berne divided PARENT into two ego states which he called CRITICAL PARENT and NURTURING PARENT.
ADULT (roughly equivalent to the ego); This was the central decision-making equipment of the person.
CHILD (roughly equivalent to the id); Berne divided the CHILD into two ego states which he called NATURAL CHILD which is the more playful side of a person, and ADAPTIVE CHILD which is the more self-centered, devious and/or rebellious side.
People generally move in and out of each of these 5 ego states to one degree or another. Problems arise when people remain in any one ego state too much or too long, or become fixated in that ego state.
NOTICE THE BIBLICAL CONNECTION TO BERNE’S MODEL
“Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.”
(I Corinthians 14:20 NIV)
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I understood like a child, I thought like a child: but when I became a (adult), I put away childish things.” (I Corinthians 13: 11 KJ)
“Children should not have to save for their parents, but parents for their children.” (II Corinthians 12:14 NIV)
Notice the words “child” and “adult” and “parent” in the above verses. Truths from the social sciences are generally consistent with truths from the Word of God. Christians have an advantage. They often understand the validity of various social science concepts. Christians feel comfortable in such jobs as “social worker” and “psychologist” because they are generally promoting ideas which have a solid basis Biblical truth.
HOMEWORK
Ultimately, how one behaves is an outcome of what one believes. Behavior tells people what you believe. The following inventory is being offered to help people. It evaluates how a person tends to relate to others.
The teacher has permission to copy enough tests from Chapter 2, to be used in a classroom presentation. Any other copying of that test by a professional counselor, is illegal.
![]() Christian Marriage Analysis Profile
(works for any relationship)
100 question inventory showing one's view of oneself, and one's view of another person. This inventory is for helping persons work toward an Adult to Adult relationship (at work, at home, in school, in marriage)
EVALUATE YOUR INTERPERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS?
Use the following criss-cross personality inventory! You answer 100 questions about yourself, and the same questions about your spouse.
The following personality inventory has been used to evaluate the connection between our behaviors and our well-being. Psychology research shows that certain behaviors are better than others. Let this inventory show you certain fundamental behaviors that are better for your health and well-being. Use the results to see what percentages of deficiencies are on both sides. Stop the blame-game with this test. The Franken Transactional Analysis Profile begins on the next page. There are 10 questions for each of 10 factors. See the last two pages for validity, reliability and predictability percentages.
For two persons (cris-cross questions)
Pick out the most appropriate response. Write the number of that response in the space provided by that statement.
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
1. _____ I like things done my way.
My spouse likes things done her/his way. . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
2._____ I dominate or control other people.
My spouse dominates other people. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
3. _____ I expect a lot from others.
My spouse expects a lot from others. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
4. _____ I pressure people who do not finish things.
My spouse pressures people who do not finish things. . . . _____
5. _____ I am a perfectionist.
My spouse is a perfectionist. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
6. _____ I am a bossy person.
My spouse is a bossy person. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
7. _____ I argue to win.
My spouse argues to win. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
8. _____ I would ground a child for being disobedient.
My spouse would ground a child for being disobedient. . . _____
9. _____ I expect people to listen to me.
My spouse expects people to listen. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
10. _____ I work at being right even if it hurts someone.
My spouse works at being right even if it hurts someone. _____
__________ TOTAL for A. TOTAL for A. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
11. _____ I yell at people to make them do what I want.
My spouse yells at people to make them do what s/he wants. _____
12. _____ I lose my temper.
My spouse loses his/her temper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
13. _____ I criticize people who do not act responsibly.
My spouse criticizes people who do not act responsibly. _____
14. _____ I become mean if I drink too much alcohol.
My spouse becomes mean if s/he drinks too much alcohol. _____
15. _____ I lash out angrily at persons.
My spouse lashes out angrily at persons. . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
16. _____ I blow up if people do not listen to me.
My spouse blows up if people do not listen to him or her. _____
17. _____ I get violent in an argument.
My spouse gets violent in an argument. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
18. _____ I explode after I bottle feelings to long.
My spouse explodes after s/he bottles feelings too long. . . _____
19. _____ I throw or break things when I am angry.
My spouse throws or breaks things when s/he is angry. . . _____
20. _____ I cut people down with words when I get angry.
My spouse criticizes people when s/he gets angry. . . . . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for B. TOTAL for B. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
21. _____ I work at making people happy.
My spouse works at making people happy. . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
22. _____ I give money to some charitable causes.
My spouse gives money to some charitable causes. . . . . . _____
23. _____ I deprive myself so others needs are met.
My spouse deprives himself/herself so others needs are met. _____
24. _____ I take time to make children or older people happy.
My spouse takes time to make children or older people happy. _____
25. _____ I send birthday greetings to others.
My spouse sends birthday greetings to others. . . . . . . . . . . _____
26. _____ I pick up after people and put things away.
My spouse picks up after other people and puts things away. _____
27. _____ I lend money or things to people.
My spouse lends money or things to people. . . . . . . . . . . . _____
28. _____ I give more to others than I get.
My spouse gives more to others than s/he gets. . . . . . . . . . _____
29. _____ I volunteer my help to others.
My spouse volunteers help to others. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
30. _____ I give in to prevent conflict.
My spouse gives in to prevent conflict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for C. TOTAL for C. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
31. _____ I overlook other peoples mistakes.
My spouse overlooks other peoples mistakes. . . . . . . . . . . _____
32. _____ I show much sympathy for other peoples feelings.
My spouse shows much sympathy for other peoples feelings. _____
33. _____ I listen well to other peoples problems.
My spouse listens well to other peoples problems. . . . . . . _____
34. _____ I do things to show my love for others.
My spouse does things to show his or her love for others. . _____
35. _____ I absorb or ignore people yelling at me.
My spouse absorbs or ignores people yelling at him or her. . _____
36. _____ I try not to offend or hurt others.
My spouse tries not to hurt or offend others. . . . . . . . . . . . _____
37. _____ I forgive others who hurt me.
My spouse forgives others who hurt him or her. . . . . . . . . . _____
38. _____ I apologize to people I offend.
My spouse apologizes to people s/he offends. . . . . . . . . . _____
39. _____ I schedule and run our (family's)social life.
My spouse schedules and runs our(family's) social life. . . _____
40. _____ I am good with sick persons and with older persons.
My spouse is good with sick persons and with older persons. _____
__________ TOTAL for D. TOTAL for D. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
41. _____ I keep my promises to others.
My spouse keeps his/her promises to others. . . . . . . . . . . . _____
42. _____ I am an emotionally strong person.
My spouse is an emotionally strong person . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
43. _____ I absorb criticism without getting angry.
My spouse absorbs criticism without getting angry. . . . . . . _____
44. _____ I finish projects I start.
My spouse finishes projects s/he starts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
45. _____ I give and take in negotiations.
My spouse gives and takes in negotiations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
46._____ I maintain self-control when I am criticized.
My spouse maintains self-control when s/he is criticized. . . _____
47. _____ I have self-discipline to control habits.
My spouse has self-discipline to control habits. . . . . . . . . . _____
48. _____ I bounce back quickly after hurts.
My spouse bounces back quickly after hurts. . . . . . . . . . . . _____
49. _____ I remain calm under pressure/in chaotic times.
My spouse remains calm under pressure/in chaotic times. . . _____
50. _____ I do things that must be done.
My spouse does things that must be done. . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for E. TOTAL for E. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
51. _____ I feel successful.
My spouse feels successful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
52. _____ I respect people who speak up.
My spouse respects people who speak up. . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
53. _____ I allow a strong exchange of ideas.
My spouse allows a strong exchange of ideas. . . . . . . . . . . _____
54. _____ I see myself as a leader.
My spouse sees him/herself as a leader. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
55. _____ I am respected by people.
My spouse is respected by people. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
56._____ I have a good amount of self-confidence.
My spouse has a good amount of self-confidence. . . . . . . . _____
57. _____ I consult with others before making decisions.
My spouse consults with others before making decisions. . . . _____
58. _____ I feel confident speaking to audiences.
My spouse feels confident speaking to audiences. . . . . . . . _____
59. _____ I would allow children to have their say.
My spouse would allow children to have their say. . . . . . . _____
60. _____ I allow an employee to speak up strongly to me.
My spouse allows (another) to speak up strongly to him/her. _____
__________ TOTAL for F. TOTAL for F. ___________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
61. _____ I enjoy talking with people.
My spouse enjoys talking with people. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
62. _____ I take vacations.
My spouse takes vacations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
63. _____ I think of inexpensive ways of having fun.
My spouse thinks of inexpensive ways of having fun. . . . . _____
64. _____ I plan ahead to do things I enjoy.
My spouse plans ahead to do things s/he enjoy. . . . . . . . . . _____
65. _____ I am the first to try a new sport.
My spouse is the first to try a new sport. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
66. _____ I love to play games.
My spouse loves to play games. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
67. _____ I am braver and more daring than others
My spouse is braver and more daring than others. . . . . . . . _____
68. _____ I like to be at parties.
My spouse likes to be at parties. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
69. _____ I like picnics beaches and sunshine.
My spouse likes picnics beaches and sunshine. . . . . . . . . . _____
70. _____ I avoid persons who are too serious.
My spouse avoids persons who are too serious. . . . . . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for G. TOTAL for G. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
71. _____ I laugh easily.
My spouse laughs easily. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
72. _____ I follow my feelings in decision making.
My spouse follow his/her feelings in decision making. . . . . _____
73. _____ I telephone or write to friends.
My spouse phones or write to friends. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
74. _____ I am happy with my present situation in life.
My spouse is happy with his/her present situation in life. _____
75. _____ I cry when I am hurt.
My spouse cries when s/he is hurt. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
76. _____ I share my feelings easily.
My spouse shares his/her feelings easily. . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
77. _____ I make decisions very easily.
My spouse makes decisions very easily. . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
78. _____ I communicate with people very well.
My spouse communicates with people very well. . . . . . . . _____
79. _____ I let my imagination lead me to enjoyment.
My spouse lets his/her imagination lead to enjoyment. . . . _____
80. _____ I am creative with my hobbies and with my work.
My spouse is creative with his/her hobbies and work. . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for H. TOTAL for H. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
81. _____ I overspend on things.
My spouse overspends on things. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
82. _____ I owe people money that I cannot pay.
My spouse owes people money which s/he cannot pay. . . . . _____
83. _____ I go places and my spouse does not know where I am.
My spouse goes places and I do not know where s/he is. . . . . _____
84. _____ I watch more TV than I should.
My spouse watches more TV than s/he should. . . . . . . . . . . . _____
85. _____ I smoke and/or drink more than I should.
My spouse smokes and/or drinks more than s/he should. . . . _____
86. _____ I hunt and/or fish more than my spouse likes.
My spouse hunts and/or fishes more than I like. . . . . . . . . . . _____
87. _____ I spend more on enjoyment than I should.
My spouse spends more on enjoyment than s/he should. . . _____
88. _____ I go out with friends more than I should.
My spouse goes out with friends more than s/he should. . . . _____
89. _____ I have others go to get things for me.
My spouse has others go to get things for him/her. . . . . . . _____
90. _____ I let others pick up things I leave lay.
My spouse lets others pick up things s/he leaves lay. . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for I. TOTAL for I. __________
0=Never, 1=Rarely, 2=Occasionally, 3=Sometimes, 4=Frequently, 5=Almost always
91. _____ I procrastinate (put off) doing things.
My spouse procrastinates. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
92. _____ I will become silent when I am attacked.
My spouse will become silent when s/he is attacked. . . . . . _____
93. _____ I suppress my feelings.
My spouse suppresses his/her feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
94._____ I am not good at communicating.
My spouse is not good at communicating. . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
95. _____ I stay away from crowds.
My spouse stays away from crowds. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
96. _____ I prefer living far from neighbors.
My spouse prefers living far from neighbors. . . . . . . . . . . _____
97. _____ I keep a lot of feelings to myself.
My spouse keeps a lot of feelings to him/herself. . . . . . . . . _____
98. _____ I get criticized for not being helpful.
My spouse gets criticized for not being helpful. . . . . . . . . _____
99. _____ I do not know what to say to people.
My spouse does not know what to say to people. . . . . . . _____
100. _____ I am a shy person.
My spouse is a shy person. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . _____
__________ TOTAL for J. TOTAL for J. __________
The next step is to convert the raw scores in the sections A - J into percentile scores. Percentile scores show where a person stands in relation to previously evaluated persons. If a raw score converts to a percentile score of 77 that means that you are in the 77th percentile, or 77% up the ladder in that category. In other words a percentile score of 77 means that only 23 out of an average of 100 persons are more (see category) than you.
Use the chart on the next page. Take your raw score for category A. above. Suppose that your raw score for A. above is 36. Go down the left column and find that score. Then go right to A. column and there you will find 80. That is your Dominant score and it means that only 20 out of 100 persons are more dominant than you. Understand that no test can pinpoint it statistically unless everyone in the world took the test. Therefore, you need to give yourself a 5-7 point margin of error in either direction.
The Psychological First Aid Kit contains a computer program to process the raw scores into percentile scores. The program delivers an extensive print-out of interpretations. You will notice some difference in the percentiles delivered by the chart versus the percentiles delivered by the computer. The computer print-out is more accurate because it can make more precise calculations not obtainable from a one-page chart.
You may be delighted with some scores and disappointed in other scores. The graph and the test is designed on the Transactional Analysis model. You need to realize that the top two (Submissive and Self-controlled) scores and the bottom two (Self-disciplined and Social) characteristics are better when they move closer to the left.
The six categories in the middle show a person functioning better when the scores move more to the right, or toward GIVING, CARING, STRONG EGO, NEGOTIATING, FUN-LOVING AND EXPRESSIVE.
(The reason for this slight inconvenience is that the Franken Transactional Analysis Profile follows the Transactional Analysis (TA) model. Strong Ego and Negotiating are equivalent with TA "Adult". Giving and Caring are equivalent with "Nurturing Parent". Dominant and Explosive are equivalent with "Critical Parent". Fun-loving and Expressive are equivalent with "Natural Child". Indulgent and Withdrawing are equivalent with "Adaptive Child".)
COMPUTERIZED PERCENTILE AND PRINTOUT
The Franken Transactional Analysis Profile is computerized for PC computers. There are many features to this program. You can input score summaries for quick calculations and printout. You can enter data and make comparisons of groups. You can do statistical research with this program.
You can even own a version of this called the Christian Marriage Analysis Profile for pre-marital and marital counseling. This version is identical to the Franken Transactional Analysis Profile, except for an added feature. This feature prints out religious/biblical information for each of the factors of the test. This information will help the religiously inclined individual appreciate some of the psychological concepts and vice-versa.
Validity, Reliability
and Predictability of this test.
The Franken Transactional Analysis Profile personality inventory on the following pages was created on the basis of the Transactional Analysis Model by Eric Berne, Ph.D. Berne had 5 basic concepts. CRITICAL PARENT, NURTURING PARENT, ADULT, NATURAL CHILD AND ADAPTIVE CHILD. This test is being offered as the most complete test of personality factors based on the Transactional Analysis model of human relationships. The original data of nearly 600 persons came from three different locations in the United States, from persons in Australia, and from persons in Canada. Reliability and validity studies were conducted by an independent statistician. Coefficient of Internal Consistency (reliability) were evaluated using the Statistical Package for the Social Sciences (SPSS). They are:
A. = .8128 D. = .7669 G. = .6743 J. = .8121
B. = .7999 E. = .7788 H. = .7114
C. = .8030 F. = .7529 I. = .7104
Criterion-related validity was established by comparing the Franken Transactional Analysis Profile with specific factors in the MMPI, TJTA, Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode, Edwards Personality Preference Schedule, and FIRO tests. Regression analysis showed a .928 coefficient, which is an 93% correlation on Assertiveness. Predictive validity and discriminate validity also showed high degrees of correlation. (For a complete report on the reliability and predictability studies, please send $15.00 to Wellness Publications, Box 2397, Holland, MI 49422)
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